It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
