4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just invented taco cereal.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
