what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
