Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
