made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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