We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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