I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
