Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
