Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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