This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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