New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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