So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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