Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
