I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
