Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
