I can text with my tongue
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
