I seem to have left my pride at pride
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
