i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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