Pappa wants mamma naked
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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