I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
