Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
