he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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