My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
