Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
