I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
