My sheets look like a crime scene.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
