She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
My cat gives me a boner
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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