I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize