i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
