I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
