I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
that's an acceptable place to lick
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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