I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
