Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
