haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
