I cut my penus on the lid.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
