I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
