im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
