Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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