Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
