This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
