yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
