I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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