I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
