rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
It was confusing and full of hummus
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
