my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
