All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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