At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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