Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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