I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
