I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
