I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
