I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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