Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
