I saw his package. It spoke to me.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Randomize
